


Shatter

by Synnerxx



Category: Savage Garden
Genre: Angst, Dark, Insanity, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-20
Updated: 2010-05-20
Packaged: 2018-10-31 05:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10892982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx
Summary: Darren hates who he's become and Daniel helps him see the real Darren.





	Shatter

**Author's Note:**

> song is "breathe no more" by evanescence.

_I've been looking in the mirror for so long  
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side  
All the little pieces falling, shatter  
Shards of me  
Too sharp to put back together_

He is The Diva. It's who he's supposed to be. He likes being that person, demanding, loud, expecting nothing less but the best of everything and everyone. But not all the time. He can't live like that all the time. Do they know what that would do to him? How crazy he would go, being forced to be The Diva all the time? That's what they want from him though. And who is he to refuse to play the role of all he's longed to be? The role he created for himself to hide behind when it got to be way too much to handle. Who is he to refuse that? Who is he without The Diva? Who is he anyway?

He brushes his fingers against the cold glass of the mirror, staring at his reflection. He's pretty well convinced that his soul is on the other side. He can't live without being The Diva, so that's where his soul must be. Trapped in his reflection because he's becoming more and more his reflection than he is an actual person these days. That thought is infinitely depressing.

Before he knows what he's doing, his hand comes up and suddenly there is glass everywhere, the mirror shattered, but still reflecting pieces of himself back up at him. Distantly, he hears banging on his dressing room door and voices shouting at him, but the door is locked and no one is going to disturb him. He doesn't care. They don't care, not really. Not about him anyway. All they care about is The Diva, so he lets them continue to bang and scream, but he's not opening up. Not any more.

There's silence now, it's eerie. Weren't they screaming outside his door a few moments ago? Or is that all in his head too? Does it even matter right now? No, he decides, it does not. Not right now. This time is about him and the other side of him. One that's slowly taking over. Dimly, he registers a stabbing, burning pain in his hand and looks down to find it bleeding, dark crimson against pale white. Someone is speaking to him, words he doesn't understand. He knows that voice though. It's Daniel. He lets out a bitter laugh. Come to save me again, Danny? How can you save me from myself and the other side of me? You don't even know he exists.

_Too small to matter  
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces  
If I try to touch her  
And I bleed, I bleed  
And I breathe, I breathe no more_

Daniel's talking to him again, but he doesn't notice. Doesn't care what the other man has to say at this point. It doesn't matter now. The mirror is shattered, but he can still see himself in all the pretty little pieces that sparkle up at him. Daniel seems to know what he's thinking—so sharp, so pretty, so smooth. Wouldn't hurt, not that much. Just drag the edge across here, watch the dark red river flow down too pale skin, so pretty—and steers him away from the glass.

Darren resists for a moment, doesn't want to leave his reflection because who will he be then? He can't be himself if all he is and ever was is caught in a mirror. All the pretty little pieces of himself there for everyone to take as they pleased. Is it really him though? Some parts of The Diva must be him, after all every lie has some truth to it, at least the good ones do. And this is the best lie he's ever told. Not that he's made it a habit of lying, though now he supposes he's made a career out of it.

Just his image though. Never his music, their music. The music is the only thing that is all his and not The Diva's. Even if it is the other side of him that gets up on stage every night and sings the words, Darren has the satisfaction of knowing that it is him who writes this words and Danny who creates the music that flows through his soul. Daniel, who is still talking to him. The words blur through his mind, nothing sticking, nothing catching at anything. He still has no idea what Daniel is saying.

The blood is still dripping from his hand onto the floor. He hasn't realised he's curled it into a fist until he feels his fingernails digging into the open cut, stinging, the hot blood running over his fingers. He lets Daniel take his wrist and pull it up from where it's tucked against his side. He refuses to let Daniel see the wound though. Why should Daniel care? He probably only wants to know that The Diva would be alright to perform tomorrow, not that Darren himself is okay. He shakes his head. Daniel is the only one that seems to want Darren and not The Diva. Danny seems to not even really like The Diva even though Darren knows that's just his overactive imagination because everyone loves The Diva.

_Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's well  
Yet again, you refuse to drink like a stubborn child  
Lie to me  
Convince me that I've been sick forever  
And all of this will make since when I get better_

He can still hear Daniel talking, his deep voice soothing some of the chaos inside of him, but the words mean nothing to him. He leans against the warm, slender body beside him and tries to ignore the whispering voice of The Diva in the back of his mind, telling him that Daniel didn't want him, didn't need him. No one wanted or needed Darren. Darren would be nothing without The Diva. Nothing and no one. The Diva is what makes him special. Left on his own, he has no real talent.

He feels a sharp burning, stinging sensation and looks down at his hand. Daniel is pouring hydrogen peroxide over the cut. It apparently doesn't need stitches. He watches idly as Daniel tapes some gauze to it, wrapping an ace bandage over that. The blood soon seeps through both and the color fascinates Darren. That's his life there, bleeding into the palm of his hand. It's so pretty and he wonders how that can be when he feels so ugly both outside and inside.

He wishes he could understand the words that Daniel is saying to him. They sound soothing and comforting, but right now his mind refuses to allow him that. The Diva won't have him be comforted in any way, shape, fashion, or form. The Diva is whispering to him again, drowning out Daniel's voice, even though he knows that The Diva is all in his head, he's very real to Darren. Sometimes, he's more real than Darren is and that scares Darren. How did he let himself become so completely swallowed up by this stage persona?

Daniel strokes a hand through his hair and falls silent. He seems to understand that Darren can't make sense of his words right now anyway. Darren wishes that he would keep on talking anyway. The sound of his voice us enough for right now. Darren doesn't need the actual words. The Diva will just twist them around and around in his mind until they are nothing but a cruel mockery of what Daniel really said and really means.

_But I know the difference between myself and my reflection  
I just can't help but to wonder  
Which of us do you love_

Darren hasn't really noticed anything except the voice in his mind, but Daniel has walked them over to where his grand piano waited, backstage, for the show. He sits Darren down next to him and starts to play. Random notes and chords fill the silence as Daniel pours his heart out onto the keys. Darren listens to the sound which blocks out The Diva's voice in his mind. He starts to come back into himself, wincing at the pain in his hand, the throb of his temples and the ache in his throat from all the screaming he's done.

The haunting and mournful song Daniel is playing makes him realise how much The Diva has hurt not only him, but Daniel as well. He can't have that. No one is allowed to hurt Daniel, not even his reflection. He should have tried harder to keep The Diva under his control instead of the other way around. If he had known that he is hurting Daniel too, then all of this would have been dealt with a long time ago. He can't stand to see Danny in pain, especially if he could have prevented it in the first place.

Eventually, Daniel's fingers still over the ivory keys and he looks over at Darren. He studies those blue eyes that he knows so well. He can see Darren in them now, The Diva disappearing slowly but surely. Daniel smiles and strokes Darren's cheek. He presses his lips against Darren's forehead, relishing in the feel of simply touching Darren and having him be Darren and not The Diva. He knows that Darren often wonders about which side of him people love more—him or his reflection? Those people out there in the audience, our fans, didn't matter right now. All that matters is that Darren knows that Daniel love him for him and not The Diva.

Darren looks up at him, smiles slowly, shyly, and leans against him again. Daniel drops a kiss into Darren's hair, so happy to have him back. He'd been terrified when he'd finally managed to get into the dressing room and saw the shattered mirror and Darren's bleeding hand. He had been scared before he'd even went in there, listening to the screams of rage, hate, and sorrow that sounded within. Even just screaming, his voice sounded amazing, filled with the beauty of his pain. Though that pain isn't pretty to Daniel. Not at all. He understands it's necessary to Darren, he prefers to write when he's sad or depressed, but that pain makes him hurt. No one deserves that much pain, especially not someone as beautiful on the inside and outside as Darren. Not ever.

_So I bleed, I bleed  
And I breathe, I breathe no  
Bleed, I bleed  
And I breathe, I breathe  
I breathe, I breathe no more_


End file.
